


Scars

by ParadoxMage



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: AU, Abusive Family, Abusive Relationship, Amélie/Lena, Angst, Cover-Up Tattoos, Cutting, F/F, Modern Day, Non-Overwatch, Sad, Self Harm, Slight Gérard/Amélie, general abuse, suicidal, tatoos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 18:50:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9285380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParadoxMage/pseuds/ParadoxMage
Summary: It's been years since it happened. But the scars still linger, reminders of pain and loneliness and self loathing. She's put it all behind her, or tried to. But as long as the scars remain she can't quite forget.Which is why Lena Oxton is sitting in a tattoo parlor as the needle is prepared for her first ever tattoo.It's time to put the past behind her.





	1. Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Welcome to Scars, my longest story ever! (Cue trumpet fanfare) This story will be multiple chapters and I'll be uploading every few days hopefully, but I've lied before so don't hold your breath. (Sorry in advance if I don't update for a while, I promise it's for a good reason. Probably.) I thought it was fitting to post today since it's the three month anniversary of this account. That being said, it will be my 14th story, which is 13 more than I ever expected to write or post. I want to thank you all in advance for reading it, and for reading my other stories too, it's been a privilege.
> 
> If you guys actually bother to read this I'd like to say a bit about the origin of this story. I've had it lingering in my head for months, but if you really want to see the thing that started it all, I'd direct you to this link https://www.buzzfeed.com/sallytamarkin/beautiful-tattoos-683?utm_term=.yqJ7JLlLWk#.ciNOm8E8XR  
> I found this months ago and sent it to myself as an email so I wouldn't lose it. The subject line I wrote was "Beauty in the Darkest of Times". I forgot about the link for a while until I accidentally stuck my arm into my ceiling fan and gave myself a pair of small cuts on my wrists, which reminded me of the link. When I opened it up and scrolled through I got this idea and started writing Scars.
> 
> Now here we are months later, finally posting it. I hope you enjoy.

The tattoo parlor was dingy and nondescript, a faded neon sign blinking forlornly in its windows. Normally people walked by it without a second thought, simply letting it blend into the scenery of King’s Row. Lena Oxton however, had known about the place for years, being old friends with the owner. Reinhardt Wilhelm may have been intimidating, what with his enormous height and build, but Lena knew he was just a big old softy at heart. Besides, if there was anywhere to get a good tat in London, _Dragonslayer’s Tattoo’s_ was it.

 

Which was why she was here now, her chest being given a quick once over with baby wipes before her chosen design was placed on her skin, the needle being prepared inches away. She took a deep, shuddering breath, and closed her eyes. This was bloody _terrifying_. Her hands tightened on the armrests of the chair as she began to panic, very nearly bolting from her seat and out into the cool darkness of her hometown.

 

A warm hand slipped into hers, giving her a reassuring squeeze, and she began to relax. She opened her eyes and and met the amber gaze of her girlfriend, standing beside the chair, ready to give support if she needed it.

 

Which she did.

 

She took another slow, deep breath and eased herself back into the chair, never releasing her hold on Amélie.

 

“Are you ready Lena?” asked Reinhardt, needle at the ready. When the two women had entered his shop and explained their intentions he wouldn’t allow anyone else to mark their skin. After all, it was his shop and these were his friends.

 

The girl in question took another moment to collect herself, pausing to glance up at her girlfriend once again, who nodded slightly in a reassuring fashion. She turned towards the burly German man.

 

“Let’s do this Rein!”

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

She was always running. Running from her mother, from the venomous hate that she spouted whenever they were in the same room, running from the glares and angry looks of her mother’s church, running from who she was and who they didn’t want her to be. She ran long and hard and far, until her lungs burned and her feet slipped out from under her, and she couldn’t move from wherever she was, so she simply stayed there and slipped into unconsciousness.

 

Eventually, after hours or days, she always ended up home once again. Her mother’s screams echoing in her ears, how no dyke was a child of hers, how she would burn in hell for who she was, how she couldn’t understand why she was cursed with a broken daughter. She didn’t let it show, didn’t give the bitch the satisfaction of knowing how much she hurt her with her poisonous sermons, instead letting it all out when she ran.

 

And when running wasn’t enough, there was always the knife.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

She tightened her grip on the armrests, hissing under her breath. This shit _hurt_. A hand ghosted against her arm, and her fingers relaxed slightly. Knowing she was there made her feel safe. Amélie would never let anyone hurt her.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

She tried. She tried oh so hard to be what they wanted. She wore dresses and grew her hair long, and pinched herself whenever she caught herself staring at another girl. She tried to carve her heart out of her chest, to find the problem and fix it.

 

Maybe then her mother would love her.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

Back and forth and back and forth. It was mesmerizing.

And horrifying.

Lena forced herself to look away, trying to stay calm.

 

Her hand never relinquished its hold on the woman next to her.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

When her mother found out about the cutting, she was even more furious if that was possible, railing on and on about how suicide was a sin, and desecrating your body was worse. She would have been more hurt by those words if she hadn’t already been mostly enfolded by soft, comfortable blackness, drawing her in deeper and deeper. She had cut herself more than ever before. She thought she was dying.

 

The next time she remembered being conscious she was in a hospital, bandages covering her chest, an IV in her arm. With the amount of drugs they were pumping into her it was several minutes before she realized where she was.

 

It was a few minutes after that when she realized she wasn’t alone.

 

Next to her in a matching bed sat another girl, her arms swathed in white gauze, an IV curving away from her arm like a glistening silken thread. She was staring at Lena with an intense amber gaze that made Lena a little frightened, or it would’ve if she wasn’t on enough painkillers to make her limbs numb and her brain foggy.

 

“Whooryu?” she said, or tried to, the words coming out slurred and unrecognizable. But apparently it was close enough, because the other girl responded coherently.

 

“Amélie Lacroix. And you?”

 

She struggled for a moment trying to figure out what her name was, then working even harder to make her numb lips form actual words.

 

“Leeeee...na Ox-ton,” she said haltingly. She slumped back against the mound of pillows behind her, suddenly very tired from the effort required to force recognizable words from her mouth. As she slipped into empty dreams she saw the strange girl give her a small smile. “It is good to meet you.” she said, and Lena was gone once again.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reading comments from you guys is by far my favorite part of posting stuff here on AO3, so if you have something to say, say it! If you have something you think I could've done better, or should/should've changed please tell me that too, I love feedback. See you in the next chapter.


	2. Connection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, for no apparent reason, two people just connect with each other. It almost seems fated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I know it's been a while, life's been a bit crazy lately. Anyway, here's chapter two! Hopefully I'll get chapter three up faster. (crosses fingers)

“How much longer Rein?” she whined. She’d already been sitting in that boring chair for days, or at least it felt like it. Her ADHD wasn’t exactly an asset in this situation.

 

Reinhardt laughed loudly. “It will be done when it is done impatient one. Just relax and let me work.” He turned his attention back to the design he was busy inking into her flesh. On most other people it would’ve taken a fair amount of time, but with her he took considerably longer. This tattoo wasn’t just another ordinary marking to add to some customers skin. It was also there to cover up the marks she had made during a black time in her life, a time she was now trying to put behind her, with a little help from the tall french woman next to her.

 

Besides, this was Lena. Only the best would do for her. He was not about to let her leave his shop with a shoddy display of his skill, and so he took extra care, as he worked for minute after minute, the design slowly taking shape under his careful eye.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

Meeting in a hospital after nearly dying at her own hands hadn’t been how she expected to make a new friend, but apparently that was what the universe willed. By the time Lena and Amélie were discharged from the hospital the two girls had become impossibly close. They talked about everything in the weeks they spent together confined to a single room. 

 

Or almost everything. 

 

Both were careful to avoid the reason for their meeting, in a hospital of all places. They had both witnessed the others bandages being changed, had seen the scars, but they both kept silent about it by unspoken agreement. They both knew it wasn’t something they could talk about. Not yet. So they spoke of other things, more light hearted things, and chased away the ever present darkness with each others company.

 

When they were finally able to leave, the hospital mandated they go to a therapist twice a week, and as luck would have it the two girls were put in the charge of the exact same woman. So, without even the need to set up times to meet, they stuck with each other, walking to Doctor Ziegler's office every Wednesday and Sunday, talking about this and that, becoming closer and closer by the day. 

 

Lena acted rather like an eager puppy, jumping around her new friend, smiling and laughing. When they were together she was happier than she had been in a very long time, since before her mother had discovered the horrible truth about her daughter. 

 

Amélie, to an outsider, might have seemed chilly in comparison. But her true feelings were revealed in the smile that lingered on her lips when the two were together, the spark in her eyes that had been snuffed out before they met, the simple way she laughed quietly with Lena whenever the British girl did something completely foolish. Anyone who knew her knew that the quiet joy radiating off of her was equivalent to the kind of jumping about and yelling with joy Lena herself was doing. She was just as happy. The two of them reveled in having a friend, for the first time in so long.

 

At home, Lena still ran, still avoided her mother as much as she could. 

But her runs were briefer, and she rarely ran until she dropped anymore.

 

And her knife had lain unused for weeks.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

Lena blinked, clearing away the haze of memories that had obscured her vision for… how long? She looked down at her chest, trying to gauge the progress that had been made, but before she could manage to get a clear look a hand covered her face. 

“You can see it when it is done, not before.” A voice sounded through the darkness, the french accent instantly comforting her.

“Alright, alright,” she muttered. Lena didn’t even have to look to know that Amélie was smirking at her annoyance, which was lucky since looking at anything wasn’t exactly what you’d call an option right about now. 

 

Warm lips pressed a kiss to her forehead, even as the hand continued to impede her vision. 

“You’re doing very well, it looks good so far,” she said quietly, lips now against her ear. “Just keep still. I will make it worth your while...”

Lena smiled at the words, and the voice filled with promises. “No problem luv, how hard can it be?”

 

She could feel her smiling.

 

“And no peeking.”

 

The hand was removed, but Lena kept her eyes closed anyway, to help remove the temptation of checking out her apparently good looking tattoo. She was itching to see it, but she knew it would be much more rewarding to listen to her girlfriend on this matter, especially if she had read her tone correctly. She sighed gently, and resigned herself to staying in this boring chair for a while longer.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys would like to take the time to comment I'd be more than happy to read what you have to say. Any constructive feedback or grammatical errors, or if you want to applaud me or curse me. It's all good, I just love to hear what y'all have to say.


	3. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had to happen eventually. Lena can't hide the truth anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey yall, here's another chapter! Hope it's not terrible. Enjoy! (Hopefully)

When Lena brought Amélie back home with her for the first time she was more terrified than she had ever been before. She ushered her in quietly through the back door, trying her hardest not to be noticed by her mother. 

 

Her efforts were in vain.

 

The verbal tirade was like all the others, accusations of gayness and its subsequent damnation, bemoaning her being cursed with a broken daughter, praying that god would fix her Lena’s soul. 

 

When she noticed Amélie however, it became much worse. She began to scream and throw things, yelling about her daughter’s dyke whore lover, and when Lena tried to explain that they were simply friends it only added more fuel to the fire.

 

Eventually they were forced to leave, pans and shoes and other objects following them out onto the streets of King’s Row, and Lena ran, just as she always did.

 

But this time someone ran after her.

 

She tried to outrun her, yelling at Amélie to stay away from her, it wasn’t too late to escape her and it was okay that she never wanted to see her again just go please and save yourself.

 

She didn’t listen.

 

Eventually, Lena’s foot hit a raised drain pipe and she fell, too tired to get up. Amélie caught up moments later, just as tired, but still determined to stay with her. Lena sobbed and tried to crawl away from her, trying to protect the other girl from the wretched creature that lay before her, but she wouldn’t listen. Amélie gathered her up in her arms, and the two sat there in an alley somewhere in King’s Row, for minutes and hours as Lena cried, having given up on escaping from the other girls understanding hold and loving touch.

 

Once she felt strong enough to move again, she slowly lifted her eyes up and saw that tears streaked the french girl’s face too. 

 

“Why’re you crying? It’s ‘cause you’re disgusted isn’t it, you hate me and you never want to see me again don’t you. I don’t blame you. Just go a…” The tidal wave of words pouring from her mouth was cut short by a single finger pressed against her lips. 

“Non chérie,” said her only friend. “I weep because you live like this, and you have born this pain alone.”

 

She reached for Lena once again, enfolding her in an embrace. This time Lena let her.

“You do not have to be alone anymore,” she said quietly. “I am here now.”

 

Lena had thought she was out of tears. She was wrong.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

She was getting really sick of waiting now.

 

“You’re making this take longer than it needs to, aren’t you Rein!” Lena had never been one for sitting around.

“We’ve been over this speedy, it takes as long as it needs to. Now calm down and let me continue, when you move it takes longer.” Reinhardt turned back to the task at hand, switching his ink from a gunmetal grey to an azure blue, laying in the base tones. He still had a ways to go, but he could tell already that this tattoo would be one of the finest he had ever inked.

 

That is, if his canvas would stop wriggling.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd like to leave a comment, good or bad, go ahead and do it! I absolutely love feedback.


	4. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amélie's reasons for cutting have always been her own. Until now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Here's the next chapter. If you look in the tags it should say slight Gérard/Amélie. Here's what I meant.

Amélie was always so composed, so calm. It seemed like nothing bothered her or ever would, and so Lena had always wondered what could possibly make such a self assured young woman mar her flesh with deep cuts. The answer came when the two needed to drop by Amélie’s apartment so she could retrieve her wallet. As they had made the short walk over Amélie had protested vigorously that it wasn’t a big deal and she could do without it. Lena had been confused by the behavior, at how tense and worried she had seemed, at the uncharacteristic hand wringing.

 

What worried her even more was how she massaged her arms, right over the areas of her shirt Lena knew hid scars. She should have taken the hint, should have left well enough alone. But if there was one thing Lena didn’t know how to do it was stop.

 

She hadn’t even known that Amélie had a boyfriend. When she finally met the man she understood why. Gérard tried to put up a front of kindness, but he failed miserably at making the image stick. When Amélie quietly left to retrieve her wallet he followed behind, and Lena heard the sound of a raised male voice followed by quiet replies. The sound of flesh hitting flesh resounded sharply through the space, but before Lena could follow the couple into the other room Amélie was already running out, tears flowing freely.

 

Lena didn’t even think as she ran after her.

 

A sense of déjá vu set in as she chased Amélie through winding streets, calling for her to stop, to let her help. After the distance had stretched from blocks into miles she finally stopped, leaning against a brick wall, crying and shaking and punching the rough surface until her knuckles tore and bled freely. Lena caught the hand, stopping the mutilation of her flesh from continuing, unable to take it.

 

Weeks ago she had needed a shoulder to cry on. Now she returned the favor.

 

Amélie recovered quickly, wiping away the tears with short jerks of her hands across her face, erecting armor to hide her pain. Lena reached over and touched her shoulder, and the armor crumbled, leaving only a broken woman who was scared and alone.

 

Or had been.

 

“So, now you know.” she said quietly, trying very hard to hold back tears. Lena’s own eyes prickled as she sat next to the other girl.

“How long…” she asked tentatively. Amélie turned her eyes away, staring instead at the people rushing by, the people who didn’t have abusive boyfriends or mothers and who didn’t hide their shattered beings behind fragile masks. “Years,” she whispered, her voice barely audible.

 

“Where did he…” Before she could finish the question a hand was already moving, lifting up the side of her shirt to reveal a huge dark mark just below her ribs. Lena gasped quietly, and gently touched the discolored area. Amélie hissed as her hand came into contact with the sensitive skin, flinching away.

 

Lena wanted to cry out how sorry she was, how terrible it was that she had to live with this. But over the months that she had spent with Amélie, she knew pity was not what she wanted. So instead, she simply grasped her hand, and said all the things she desperately wanted to express with two simple words.

 

“I’m here.”

 

The hand in hers tightened to vice like intensity, and the two sat in an alley in King’s Row as the stars appeared one by one, hands still locked together.

 

That week Amélie kicked Gérard out of her home. For good.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

Lena's leg jiggled up and down quickly. “This may be a bad time but I really have to use the restroom.” Reinhardt paused for a second, allowing the information to register fully, before bursting into such raucous laughter that the shingles on the roof rattled. “Go quickly then, but move fast.” He continued to chuckle as she sprinted out of the chair to the small bathroom in the back of the shop, coming out again in record time.

 

“Did you peek?” asked Amélie quickly.

“‘Course I didn’t. If there’s one thing I can do, it’s keep a promise. Especially…” Her eyebrows moved up and down comically. “If you hold up your end of the bargain.”

“What bargain?” asked Amélie, a smile in her voice. Lena jolted upright suddenly, causing Reinhardt to almost drop his tools. As a string of German curses echoed around her she turned on her girlfriend in confused outrage.

“What do you mean what bargain?!”

“I don’t recall ever making an agreement.”

“But you, you said, I thought, ugh!” She flopped back into the chair, defeated.

“I will however make a deal with you know.” Amélie couldn’t help but smirk at the way Lena perked up at those words.

“Oh yeah?” she asked quickly. “What’ve you got to offer?”

 

Amélie whispered something into Lena’s ear that made the other girl’s eyes widen and caused a mile wide smile to stretch across her face.

 

“Deal!” She said quickly. “Okay Reinhardt, let’s get this tattoo finished.”

 

The german man she had addressed the remark to was ready to do just that, and began to lay in the detail work on some of the finer elements of Lena’s chosen design. Lena herself settled in, now with something very much worth the wait to look forward to.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to see any comments you want to share with me. I know this chapter may feel a bit repetitive compared to the last one, but that was kind of done on purpose. Anyway, if you like it, don't like it, saw a typo, give me a shout, I'd love to hear what you have to say.
> 
> Edit: I'm adding this the day after I posted this chapter. With the kudos I've received on this story I have managed to net over 500 kudos on all of my work. That's right. Five. HUNDRED! I just want to thank you guys so much for bringing me this far and for reading my work, it's been a blast.


	5. Bleeding Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's tried so hard to be what her mother wants.
> 
> She's failed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Today this story cleared 1,000 hits and 90 kudos! That's AMAZING! Thank you all sooooooo much, I hope you've been enjoying this fic.

They had spent as much time with each other as they could in the months since their first meeting. It shouldn’t have surprised Lena that she was in love. But she still was shocked when she realized that the woman sitting across from her meant more than she could ever describe. 

 

The word love didn’t even come close to the depth of her feelings. 

 

She was more afraid than she had ever been in her life.

 

Before she even realized what she was doing she ran from the café chair, running from the woman she loved, head swirling with horrible sermons and poisonous words. She had tried so hard to be what her mother wanted, but she had failed. It was all useless.

 

Lena made it home.

 

Without pausing for an instant, she bolted up the stairs and locked herself in her room.

 

The handle of the knife fit her palm just as perfectly as it used to.

 

And the red of her blood looked so lovely on the white sheets of her bed.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

Lena twitched slightly in her chair. That memory was still painful, even a year later. A hand squeezed hers, offering quiet support. Of course she knew why she had reacted like that. Amélie could read her like a book. She smiled at her, eyes still screwed shut to hold up her end of the bargain, but she could feel her smiling back. She knew her just as well, after all.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

The sound of wood splintering drove the darkness back to the edges of her vision, at least temporarily.

 

“Call 911! NOW DAMMIT!” A voice shouted somewhere nearby, but the words echoed and bounced as though from the other side of a tunnel. A face loomed in her vision. Her face.

“Lena! Stay ---- me… ---- on… don’t --- dare die…” The words came through broken, as though she was talking to someone with bad cell service. Even the words that she could make out sounded strange and hollow, dreamlike.

 

Lena realized there was something she wanted to say to her. 

“...” 

“What?! What are you trying to say?!” Apparently she hadn’t been audible. She tried again.

“I…”

“Love…”

“You…”

 

And darkness enfolded her.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

Amélie peeked over Reinhardt’s shoulder, judging his progress.

“It is almost finished, yes?” she asked.

“Yes, almost done,” he replied quietly, still intent on his work. “Some of the finer detailing is left, but not much more.”

“You here that chérie?” she asked.

Lena gave an exaggerated sigh. 

“Finally! It’s been ages!” Amélie chuckled, and gave her hand a quick squeeze.

“Just a little longer mon amour, then you can look.” Lena shifted a bit in the chair before settling down for the home stretch.

“Not long now,” she thought. “Not long now.”

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

She woke up in a hospital bed again, and once again she wasn’t alone. 

“Déjá vu all over again.” she thought to herself, and struggled to sit up. Amélie was next to her in an instant, helping to adjust her pillows as she shifted positions. Once she was settled, she took a step back and sat back down in the chair next to the bed she had just vacated.

 

“Are you alright?” she asked quietly, but as Lena opened her mouth to answer she held up a hand to stop her. 

“And none of the false bravado, tell me the truth.” 

 

Her automatic response died on her lips as she realized it wouldn’t work on Amélie like it worked with her mother. She knew her too well.

 

“I’m…” 

 

She couldn’t finish. She reached out for Amélie, and she was up again in an instant, holding her close, providing the support she needed. 

“Why Lena,” she whispered against her ear. “Why did you do it again?” Lena felt hot tears roll down her cheeks. 

“I just… I…” She kept trying but the words wouldn’t come. 

 

Suddenly she pushed Amélie away and turned to face the opposite side of the room. “I can’t be near you anymore.” A hand gently turned her back around. 

“Why?”

Lena began to cry again. 

“Because I love you that’s why!” She pushed away once more. “I can’t love you, I’m a good girl. If I love you I’m unfixable.” She looked at her shaking hands. “I’m broken.”

A hand touched her chin, turning her face slowly, amber eyes staring into her soul.

“Does that mean I am broken too?”

Lena stared into those eyes for several seconds, uncomprehending, before the words finally registered in her distraught brain.

“You mean…”

“Oui.”

“You really…”

“Oui.”

“But…”

Amélie sighed and cut her off by pulling her into a kiss. Lena pulled back gasping, cheeks red.

 

“Do I need to spell it out for you chérie? I love you Lena Oxton, and I always will.” She cupped her face in her hands. “You are  _ not _ broken, you are  _ not _ a mistake, you are  _ you _ and I love you just the way you are.”

Lena stared back at her for a moment, before launching herself at the woman she loved, tears flowing freely now, knowing she was safe and loved and she no longer had to hide who she was. 

 

She was alive.

  
◇ ◇ ◇

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are your thoughts on this chapter? What are you hoping happens? What did I do terribly? Feel free to leave a comment and tell me just that.
> 
> Edit: After posting this chapter this story broke 100 kudos! That's the first time any of my stories have done that! Thank you all so much, hope you've been enjoying this fic.


	6. Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena's tattoo is finally finished and someone else's tattoo begins to be inked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, here's another chapter. It's a bit short... and I have no excuse, it is what it is.

“Can I look now?!” 

 

She knew she sounded like a whiny kid, but frankly she didn’t care. She had been sitting in this chair for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours. It was about time she got to see if all of that waiting had been worth it.

 

On one side of her Amélie sighed, even as a smile touched her lips. On the other Reinhardt let out a bellow of laughter. 

 

She looked over at her girlfriend pleadingly, giving her a full force blast of the puppy dog eyes. 

 

Amélie sighed again. She couldn’t say no to that face.

“Alright chérie, you may look.”

 

Lena looked down at the new design permanently engraved into her skin. A second ticked by in complete silence. And another.

 

Amélie and Reinhardt looked at one another, both thinking the same thing. ‘Does she like it?’

 

“It looks…” she said slowly. She looked up at them and an impossibly wide smile stretched across her face. “AMAZING!”

 

Reinhardt and Amélie both let out breaths they didn’t realize they had been holding. In those few seconds she had already launched herself out of the chair and at the burly german man.

 

“ThankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouTHANKYOU!” Reinhardt smiled too. Her mood was infectious.

 

“Rein! I knew you were good but this is bloody fantastic!”

“I am glad to hear that you like it.” His smile turned into a full fledged grin as she looked back down at the design on her chest again. It had been an interesting tattoo, involving only a few basic colors, but the detailing he had put in made the piece look even better than it already would’ve. Reinhardt allowed himself a mental pat on the back for his work.

 

“So, what d’ya think?” Lena spread her arms wide and allowed the taller girl to take a close look at her new tattoo. 

“I think it suits you very well mon amour.” Lena’s smile somehow grew wider.

 

“You know what that means though, don’t ya.”

 

Amélie looked at her in confusion. 

 

“Now it’s your turn.”

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

Revealing that she was dating Amélie had been… interesting. Her mother basically disowned her. And honestly, she was fine with that. She had been living with that bitch’s rules for too long, trying to be what she wanted. Not anymore.

 

The two moved in together straight away. It was basically a formality, since they already spent most of their time either out in King’s Row or at Amélie’s apartment anyway. Lena basically spent as much time away from home as she could. But now home was a good place now, a safe place. A place where she was loved for who she was. She didn’t need to avoid her home anymore.

 

In the next couple of weeks people who knew her might have thought Lena was going through some kind of metamorphosis. She cut her hair short, changed up her style, got a piercing in her ear. She was no longer bound by her mother’s ideals for her. She could finally be herself. 

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

One thing very few people knew. Amélie Lacroix was  _ terrified _ of needles. 

“Why did I agree to this again?” she muttered quietly to herself. Lena giggled quietly before leaning over to place a quick peck on her girlfriend’s cheek. 

“Because,” she said. “You wanted to move past this just as much as I did, and we made a pact. No backing out now.”

 

Amélie seemed like she might disagree with that statement, but she swallowed her fear and forced herself to calm down as Reinhardt prepared the needle. She risked a glance over at it. She quickly switched her gaze back to the wall, fear threatening to overwhelm her.

 

“Hey,” said Lena, moving her hand to cover the other girls. “You’ve got this, alright.”

Amélie looked over at her, and nodded her head firmly.

 

“Are you ready?” asked Reinhardt.

 

She took in a deep breath.

 

“Let’s begin.”

◇ ◇ ◇

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know what to say here anymore. If you haven't figured out that I love to read comments then I don't know what to tell you.


	7. Reform

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They've put the past behind them, but they still wear reminders of their time spent alone. So Lena comes up with a plan to fix that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here's the next chapter! Unfortunately this is the second to last chapter of Scars, so we only have a little bit left to go, but I hope you've been enjoying the ride thus far, I know I have!

It had been a year. 

 

A year since she had almost died by her own hands. 

A year since she had woken up in a hospital room with an amber eyed young woman standing vigil next to her.

A year since she finally allowed herself to truly  _ be _ herself.

A year since she had escaped a corrupt church and a deranged preacher.

A year since she had moved in with that same yellow eyed girl, who became something more than a friend.

 

A year since she had stepped out of the darkness and into the light.

 

Lena thought it was finally time to move on.

 

But she couldn’t. 

 

Not when she had years of deep reminders carved into her chest, glaring at her accusingly every time she stepped in front of a mirror.

 

And since she was Lena, it called for immediate action.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

Amélie sat in the tattoo parlor’s chair, trying her hardest to resist the danger signals that her brain had been screaming at her since she entered this building.

 

The only thing keeping her there was a warm hand on her shoulder and a familiar smile.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

On the one year anniversary of that fateful day, she sprang her rather surprising idea on her girlfriend. Shockingly enough, she not only agreed with her, but wanted to be included. Lena knew full well her thoughts on needles, and was justifiably confused, but when she asked Amélie why she was okay with it she simply said “I feel it is time I too moved on.”

 

The first thing she did was grab a pencil and paper and start jotting down ideas. Amélie quickly joined her, and three very full sheets of paper later, they both had ideas they liked. At this point Lena passed her pencil over to the girl sitting next to her, knowing exactly the kind of talent she had for sketching.

 

“Go ahead luv,” she said, pushing a fresh piece of paper over to her. “Make some magic happen.” Amélie paused for a minute, then got to work on a quick sketch of her chosen designs. Lena always enjoyed watching her draw. The world around her narrowed down to a single blank canvas and the tip of a pencil dancing across it.

 

When she was finished she pushed the page over to Lena for inspection, eyes averted, awaiting judgement.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

Amélie looked down at her arms, trying to gauge how much longer she’d be trapped there, or at least see if the large man was doing the lettering correctly. 

 

Only to have a pair of hands cover her eyes.

 

“Karma’s a bitch ain’t it.”

 

Amélie growled in frustration, but resigned herself to waiting out the entire duration of her appointment before she even glimpsed the progress Reinhardt was making.

 

At least her tattoos would be finished quicker than Lena’s.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

“I have no idea what this means, but I love it!” exclaimed Lena excitedly as she continued to look down at the hastily done illustration. On the page was a rough sketch of a web-like net of lines, inside of which sat a single word. 

 

“What does this say?” asked the Brit, confused. “Couch-e-mer?”

“Cauchemar.”

She giggled. “Sounds a lot better when you say it.” She flipped over the page, revealing a matching web with new words. “And this?”

“It says ‘araignée du soir’.”

“Oh! And what does that mean?”

Amélie looked down at the paper the eager girl held in her hands, thinking about those words, and just how important they truly were.

“Another time chérie,” she said, putting it off for another day. “Right now I believe it is your turn.” Lena squealed with excitement.

 

Amélie gave a small smile at the other girls enthusiasm, before setting to work once again, this time with Lena chiming in about how she wanted everything to look. It took considerably longer this time around. Lena’s idea was completely custom, and all she had to base this sketch off of was some excited babbling and a few quick remarks. Somehow she managed it and once again the paper was passed to Lena for inspection. If her reaction was anything to judge by, she was floored.

 

“Oh, it’s perfect!” Amélie smiled again. She seemed to do that a lot when Lena was around. And that wasn’t really a bad thing.

 

Her thoughts returned to more current matters as she continued to look at the design she had sketched under Lena’s watchful eye, finally realizing why it had been so familiar to her while she was drawing it.

 

“It looks a little like…”

“Iron man’s arc reactor?”

“Oui. Why exactly?” Amélie continued to examine the strange drawing, which depicted a metal construct with a bluish core that projected up and around the base in rings.

Lena laughed and bumped her shoulder into Amélie’s. “Come on luv, you knew I was a nerd before we started goin’ out.”

 

Amélie looked at her hard. 

“You know I can see when you are not telling me the whole truth.”

Some of Lena’s enthusiasm faded, but not enough to stop her from smiling.

“I’ll tell ya later,” she said. “When you,” She aimed a finger at Amélie. “Tell me about  _ that _ .” Her finger moved to indicate her girlfriends other sketches, the ones she wanted tattooed on her own flesh.

 

A small smirk curved Amélie’s lip. “Deal,” she said simply. “Now, where are we getting these done?”

Lena’s smile somehow grew wider. “I have a great place in mind. Best tattoo’s in London!”

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

“Okay, you are done.” Reinhardt’s booming voice calling for her release was all she needed, immediately vacating the chair, promising herself she would  _ never _ do this again. A booming laugh mingled with a higher pitched giggle, and she felt her cheeks burn hot with embarrassment.

 

When her laughter finally subsided Lena went over to her girlfriend and inspected her newly tattooed arms. “Wow, these turned out fantastic. You do great work Rein.” The German man gave a small bow, glowing internally from the praise.

 

Returning her attention to Amélie, Lena realized that she had yet to actually inspect her new tattoos for herself. 

“Come on luv, aren’t you gonna check out your ink?” Amélie steadfastly kept her eyes averted, afraid to see her tattoos but unsure how to even begin to describe why. 

 

Mustering her courage, she looked down.

 

A second later she walked calmly over to the burly tattooist, stood silently in front of him for a moment, and wrapped him in a hug.

“Thank you.” she said. Lena could swear she saw a glimmer of tears in her eyes.

“It is not a problem little one. I am happy that they make you happy.” 

Lena ran over to the two of them. 

“Hey, you’re not huggin’ without me!” she yelled in mock anger. Laughing, Reinhardt pulled her and Amélie into a tight embrace, with both girls hugging back just as fiercely. 

“Thank you Rein.”

“It is no problem speedy. It is good to see you so happy, after all this time.”

 

Eventually they broke the hug, and the duo made as if to go.

“Wait, wait!” cried Reinhardt quickly. “Hold on for a moment.”

The big man trundled off to the back room of the store, returning a few minutes later with a camera.

“I would like to add you two to my wall.” he said, and gestured towards the back of the shop, which was covered in photographs of various tattoos on various people in various places.

With slight hesitation, the two agreed, and Reinhardt quickly snapped a few photos of their respective tattoos.

“Thank you very much.” he said. As the two moved to the door, he stopped them again with a hand on both of their shoulders.

 

“Take care of each other,” he said solemnly. “You need someone who makes you happy. You decided to get these tattoos because you are no longer the people you once were. You are happier now, with each other. Hold on tight to one another. I see the way you two act, and I wish I was so lucky as to find someone who cared for me as much as you both do for each other.” 

 

They both blushed at hearing that. “I am just saying,” he continued blithely. “Keep each other close. And enjoy the world, it is a beautiful place.”

 

“Rein,” Lena said slowly. “That is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard.” Amélie nodded her agreement.

 

Reinhardt chuckled. 

“I am just an old fool with too much time spent pondering things better left alone. But I try.” he chuckled again and waved them out the door, watching as they disappeared into the snow filled darkness of King’s Row.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of when I'm writing this Scars has more than 1.5K hits and 130 kudos! I expect it to gain another hundred+ hits after this chapter goes up, officially making it my most popular story. I just want to thank you all, for reading, for giving kudos, for saying nice things and for putting up with my bullshit in general. Before I started posting stuff on AO3 I was deathly afraid people would think my stuff was shit, but after posting story after story and hearing the nice things you all have said I feel much better about the quality of my work, though I by no means think it's perfect. I just want to say another heartfelt thank you, and I hope to see you in the last chapter.


	8. Meaning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a very long time, it's finally over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all. This is the final chapter of Scars, a.k.a. my longest story ever. I just want to thank you all for leaving kudos and comments as well as flat out reading my crap in the first place. It's been one hell of a ride and it feels like it's only right to end it a month after it all began.
> 
> Enjoy.

“Are you gonna explain those to me?” As Amélie closed the door to their apartment she rolled her eyes at the irrepressible energy that seemed to constantly flow from her girlfriend.

“Now!?” She asked, a little irritated. “It is nearly two in the morning, you just had me sit in a chair to be poked with a needle for several hours, I am tired and annoyed and you want to talk about why I chose these tattoos  _ NOW _ !”

 

“Yup.”

 

She couldn’t help the smile that formed on her lips, though she tried very hard to hide it from the other girl. She pressed a hand to her forehead, still trying to beat back a grin that had no intention of going away. 

“Why am I not surprised.”

“Because you know me.”

“True,” she thought begrudgingly.

 

So, we gonna talk or what?” Lena wasn’t about to be dragged off topic.

“I will tell you what,” said Amélie. “Grab a blanket, a pillow and a case of beer and bring them out onto the balcony and we’ll talk.”

“Yes!” Pumping her fist in the air at her success, Lena ran off to get the requested items, glad to finally here a story she had been curious about for days.

 

The small balcony attached to Amélie’s apartment wasn’t exactly wide open. It was only big enough for two chairs and a small table, but it was quiet and secluded, plus it offered an excellent view.

 

Lena dashed into the small enclosed space, arms piled high with a thick comforter, several soft pillows and a case of their favorite beer. She dumped it all unceremoniously onto the floor, before she began to sort through the mass, looking for the alcohol. Triumphant, she placed the case onto the table, and grabbed the comforter in preparation for sitting down. 

 

Turning to look at Amélie, who was already seated, she grinned evilly. Without giving her girlfriend so much as a chance to protest she had jumped onto her lap and was busy getting comfortable. Amélie sighed, knowing it was essentially useless to try and get her off.

“Besides,” she thought to herself. “It could be worse.” She helped the other girl adjust before pulling the comforter up over the two of them, as they watched London spin on in the wee hours of the morning.

 

“Soooooooooooooo. What’s the story?”

 

Amélie sighed. For a moment there she had thought Lena had forgotten. 

 

“You’re not going to drop this are you.”

 

“Nope.”

 

“It was a rhetorical question.” she said dryly.

 

A pair of brown eyes stared up at her expectantly.

 

“Alright, alright. I will tell you the story.”

 

A wide smile spread across Lena’s face, a sign of the triumph she felt building inside of her.

 

Amélie paused for a moment, staring out into the London night. Lena prodded her with an elbow.

“Well?” she said expectantly.

 

“Hand me a drink first.” 

 

She accepted the bottle and quickly drained most of its contents, hoping that it would make telling this story easier.

 

Lena looked at her in confusion as she removed the now half empty bottle from her lips.

 

“Pardon. It’s just that.” She stopped for a moment, trying to get a grip on emotions that very much wanted to break free.

“It involves Gérard.”

 

Silence greeted her words.

 

“I was just joking you know. If you need more time we can talk later.”

 

Amélie finished off the bottle and reached for another.

 

“Non. We got these,” she gestured to their new tattoos. “To help us move past this. It’s about time I finally put my demons to rest.

 

She took another long draught of beer, before moving on to the story.

  
  


“This one,” She gestured to the inside of her right arm. “Says araignée du soir. In English it means Evening Spider. In France we have a proverb, which says  _ araignée du matin, chagrin, araignée du soir, espoir _ . Roughly translated it means Morning Spider, Grief, Evening Spider, Hope.”

 

“Oh! What does that mean actually mean?”

 

“We believe that if you see a spider in the morning it means that your day will be filled with misfortune and if you see a spider in the evening it means that good things will happen to you the next day.”

 

Lena stared at the words, still rather confused. 

“So why did you get a tat of it?”

 

Amélie stared down at the on her arm, watching as Lena traced the shapes with her fingers.

 

“On the morning my parents introduced me to Gérard I saw a spider.”

 

Lena’s hand stopped, still resting on her arm. The normally hyperactive girl became shockingly still, as the information registered.

 

“Oh my god.”

 

“Oui.”

 

“You mean to tell me…”

 

“Yes I do. It has stuck with me all this time.” She laughed, but it was hollow and fake. 

 

“You know, I never believed in that silly superstition. Not until that day. It was very clear that my parents wanted us to eventually get married. When I met him I was, not happy per say, but I wasn’t against the idea. He didn’t seem like a bad man.”

 

Lena continued to stare at the words on her girlfriends arm. “Bit of a shit first impression then huh.”

 

“You could say that.”

 

Amélie continued on briskly. Now that this story was coming out she wanted it to end, before it broke her.

 

“I was with him for years. I still can’t believe that I didn’t realize what kind of a man he truly was when we first met. I should have turned and ran. Instead, we moved in together. Things got worse and worse as time went on. I blamed myself, thought that I was a disappointment to my parents for failing them like this. I believed Gérard’s slander, that I would never be wanted by another man.”

 

She shuddered, trapped in memories of a dark and lonely time, spent away from all company but his, making her question herself and hate herself and blame herself and cut herself.

 

A warm hand slipped into hers.

 

“You can stop now, if you need to.”

 

Amélie shook her head, pushing back tears that were already forming in the corners of her eyes. 

 

“Non. I can continue. There is only a little more. Ironically, this story is rather like that saying I told you. It comes in two parts.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Do you remember how I said that an evening spider meant hope?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“I didn’t see one for three years. Then, as I was tossing and turning and trying to find sleep with a monster beside me, I saw one. A small creature hanging onto my wall, barely bigger than a speck. I am fairly certain I thought I was hallucinating at first. When I was sure I wasn’t I took it as a sign that my torment could finally end.”

 

She stroked a deep incision on her wrist, now covered up by black ink.

 

“The next day I slit my wrists and waited for the end.”

 

“NO!” Lena’s face was filled with fear, as though she thought that the woman next to her would dissapear, and she would lose the one thing that kept her sane.

 

Amélie pressed a finger to her lips, silencing her.

 

“It’s okay chérie, it all worked out in the end. Gérard came home early and found me. He had me brought to the hospital and they saved my life. When I awoke and realized I was still alive I felt like going insane. I cried well into the night. Eventually I was too exhausted to keep going and as I fell asleep I glimpsed another spider on the ceiling of my room, and I prayed that it might be right where the other had been wrong.”

 

Amélie smiled.

 

“The very next day they brought a second person into my room. I heard them talking about multiple deep incisions on her chest and a history of repeated cutting. When I looked over I saw a small girl with brown hair asleep in another hospital bed.”   
  
Lena looked up at her in shock. “ME?!”

 

Amélie kissed her forehead. “Yes mon amour. You. As it turns out, the spiders did not lie. They led me to you.

 

They watched the city spin on for a while after that, Lena still processing the meaning behind the seemingly innocuous words, Amélie simply enjoying the here and now.

 

They stayed like that, in comfortable silence, until Lena realized that Amélie hadn’t finished explaining herself. 

 

“What about this one?” She pointed to the other woman’s left arm, were a single word stood out boldly on her pale skin.

 

“What was it again? Cowshmar?”

 

“Cauchemar. It means nightmare.”

 

Lena stared at the word in confusion.

 

“Why in the world would you want to get nightmare inked into your skin?”

 

“Because,” replied Amélie, stroking a finger down the barely visible scars on her newly tattooed arm. “My nightmare is over. I do not want to forget about these,” she gestured to her scars. 

“But I do not want them to rule my life. They are just a bad dream, a nightmare, and now I have finally woken up.” 

 

She pulled Lena close.

 

“ _ You _ woke me up.”

 

Lena couldn’t help herself anymore. She turned around and threw her arms around Amélie’s neck, hugging her with all her might.

 

“What did I ever do to deserve someone like you?” she asked.

 

“I am the one who should be asking that.” replied Amélie.

 

The world turned on, and they held each other close.

 

“Thank you.” said Lena in a quiet voice.

 

“For what chérie?”

 

She relinquished her hold on Amélie, twisting in her lap so they were sitting face to face.

 

“For telling me. I know it wasn’t easy.”

 

Amélie was surprised to find that now that her story was out in the open she felt… better. Like the events of the past really  _ had _ just been a bad dream.

 

“The whole experience was very cathartic. I feel… more complete now. More here.”

 

Amélie gently reached over and pulled Lena’s shirt away from her chest, revealing the new addition to her skin.

 

“If I remember correctly,” said Amélie, running a hand around the outline of Lena’s tattoo. “You agreed to explain this when I explained mine. You have yet to do so.”

 

Lena grinned widely.

“It’s been driving you mad hasn’t it.”

 

Amélie chuckled. 

“I will admit to being curious about it these last couple of days.”

 

“Alright, I’ll spill, but it’s not as deep as your reasons for gettin’ those words.” 

 

Lena took a deep, preparatory breath, and launched into her story.

 

“Do you remember when we watched the Avengers?”

 

Amélie blinked. This wasn’t where she had expected this story to go.

“Yes…”

 

“Well you said it yourself when you first sketched it out. It looks like Iron Man’s arc reactor for a reason. When we watched that movie together, one line struck me when it never had before.”

 

“Which line.”

 

“It’s in that scene where Tony is talking to Banner. He says “This little circle of light. It’s part of me now, not just armor. It’s a… terrible privilege.” For some reason that just stuck with me, I couldn’t stop thinkin’ about it for days after. I didn’t even know why. Then it hit me.”

 

She looked down at her chest, and the barely visible design illuminated only by the soft glow of the moon.

 

“I’m like Iron Man, and this is my little circle of light. My scars, there a part of me, always will be, and I don’t want to forget that. But this tat, it’s my arc reactor, my armor. It keeps me in the here and now, keeps me anchored.”

 

Lena reached down and touched the center of the pattern that had been ingrained into her flesh.

 

“I’m not trying to erase the past, but instead of hiding it and hating it I’m gonna make it my own and move past it.”

 

Lena kept her eyes fixed on her tattoo, irrationally afraid that Amélie would think her a foolish child for her reasons.

 

“You lied,” said Amélie quietly.

 

Lena seemed to shrink as the words exited the other womans mouth.

 

“Your story was just as beautiful as mine.”

 

Lena finally looked up, and her eyes met a pair of amber orbs that were glistening with a thin film of tears. At the same instant they leaned over and kissed each other, too overcome with love for the other to stop themselves.

 

When they pulled away, Lena was smiling.

 

“Why are you smiling?” asked Amélie quietly.

 

“Look at us,” she said. “We found each other when the world was filled with nothin’ but darkness and helped bring each other into the light. We just put the last reminder of that time behind us. It feels like there’s finally hope for a brighter future.”

 

Amélie stared at her in mild shock. “That is one of the most touching things I have ever heard. Where did that come from?”

 

Lena ducked her head, but she was still very clearly grinning.

 

“I dunno, guess I’ve got hidden talents.”

 

“You are right though,” said Amélie, taking her hand. “We can finally move on, into a brighter future. And if there is anyone I want to share it with, it is you.”

 

She bent down and gently kissed the woman she loved again, and the two held each other close until a new day dawned.

  
On a brighter world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what to write here...
> 
> Thanks for reading.
> 
> EDIT: Well, we did it guys. Scars has officially topped 3000 hits. Three. Thousand. I'm just blown away. Thanks to everyone who read this mess.

**Author's Note:**

> Reading comments from you guys is by far my favorite part of posting stuff here on AO3, so if you have something to say, say it! If you have something you think I could've done better, or should/should've changed please tell me that too, I love feedback. 
> 
> This story has now officially ended, but that doesn't negate the above statement. Hope you enjoy/ed Scars.


End file.
